Forgiveness
by andrastaie
Summary: Warden Amell makes a stop at Skyhold and has a meeting that she did not entirely expect.


Of all the things Solona Amell expected to happen when she arrived at the bustling stronghold of the Inquisition, meeting with the commander of said Inquisition's forces was not one of them. Upon arrival it had seemed unnecessary, after all. Gather her supplies, rest for the day, maybe visit with Leliana and then be on her way. But the Inquisitor, it seemed, had different plans for her. Solona knew she shouldn't have been surprised, it always seemed to be how her life was going to go. Expect one thing, get thrown into something else entirely.

She sighed as she walked the ramparts. She knew full well who the commander was and had decided before even arriving that seeing him likely wouldn't have been the best of ideas. Yet here she was. Plans entirely different than what she'd worked out ahead of time. Solona stopped outside the door to his office, stealing herself for what was to come. The last time they'd spoken burned into her mind, one of the few memories that never seemed to fade away.

With a sigh, she stooped down to scratch her mabari behind the ears. "I guess we knew this would happen sooner or later, right pup?" She chuckled as he huffed and licked her hand, nub of a tail wagging happily. "Why don't you go find Leliana?" He barked cheerfully and trotted off as Solona righted herself.

 _All right, here goes nothing_. Lifting her hand, she rapped against the door and waited until he beckoned her in. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach as she push the door open and stepped inside. He didn't look up right away and she swallowed, biting back her fears. They were adults, it happened ten years ago, there was no reason they couldn't be professional and reasonable.

Cullen finally looked up. His mouth dropped open in surprise and he stood suddenly, knocking his chair back as he went. "Solona I-" The loud _thump_ of the falling chair interrupted him and he winced. "Sorry! I… I was not expecting you."

Not expecting her? She blinked in confusion, awkwardly shifting her weight from foot to foot. "The Inquisitor," she drawled out slowly. She swallowed the lump in her throat and tried again: "The Inquisitor said you wanted to see me?"

By now Cullen had managed to pick his chair back up and walk around the front of his desk. Solona did not miss, however, that he stopped just shy of getting within arm's reach of her. It hurt more than she expected it to, yet here she stood unable to close that gap herself.

Shifting to her other foot, she looked around the office. Anywhere her eyes could go without looking at him directly. "If I'm disturbing you…" she trailed off, staring at the floor by his feet.

"No! No… I," he hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck. "I was just finishing up some reports."

She finally lifted her gaze up to him, offering a weak and awkward smile. "Oh…"

"Maybe we-" They both started at the same time and Solona's cheeks burned as she immediately threw a hand over her mouth.

"Since you're here," Cullen finally started after the long, awkward pause. "I wanted to… I meant to…" Tipping his head back he let out a sigh. Whatever he was feeling, Solona was fairly confident she could relate to it in that moment. When he looked at her again, she continued to give him a weak, strained smile.

"The last time we spoke," he tried again. Another sigh, a slight fidget with his hands. "Maker, ten years… I thought this would be easier. I've gone over it a thousand times."

Solona allowed herself a tiny, airy laugh. "Perhaps a thousand is too many?"

The pained look in his eyes softened just a little upon hearing her laugh. A ghost of a smile tugged at his lips, and she could feel the tension in the room release just a little. Just enough.

"There are… things I regret in my past. How I acted that day you found me in the Tower, the things I said… that is one of them."

Silence settled, Solona watched Cullen carefully. Had listened to each word carefully. Finally she nodded, slowly. She sucked in a breath between her teeth, exhaling a shaky breath. Her fingers trembled as she resisted the urge to pull her staff off her back. To hold onto something secure and steady, something that wasn't _him,_ because Maker did she want it to be him.

"No," she whispered. "I never held a doubt that you meant every word you said to me. I… I held a grudge for a long time." She shifted her eyes away from him, staring at the clutter on his desk now. "But," she added quickly. "I got over it. I - I realized what happened to you, what happened to everyone…" Solona's voice grew soft as she trailed off.

She looked up, eyes widening in surprise when he crossed the distance between them. She took half a step back, but otherwise didn't budge. The hurt in his hazel eyes was evident, but for a long moment they just stared at each other. Jitters continued to rack Solona's body as she waited to see what would happen next.

"I was wrong to say the things I said, Solona." He paused, looking down a moment as if to search for his words. "I understand if you cannot forgive me."

Her heart jolted at the words, leaping up toward her throat and unsettling her further. She bit the inside of her cheek and watched him. He refused to even look at her now. Tears prickled behind her eyes, a more genuine smile forming on her lips. She reached a hand out, brushing it against his jaw and tilting his gaze back up to her.

"Cullen, you didn't let me finish." She gave an awkward, choked laugh as the tears threatened to overtake her. "I already have."

It seemed to take a moment for her words to sink in, but when they did he swept her up into a hug. A few more choked laughs escaped her as she wrapped her arms around him. In one last, vain attempt to hide her tears, she buried her face in the crook of his neck and let him just hold her until she couldn't stand any longer. Or, more accurately, until the barking and scratching of her mabari at the door drew their attention away from each other.


End file.
